the guy with a girlfriend
Scenario: When you first meet him, he seems so good to be true-laid back, super confident and genuinely interested in what I have to say. And after hooking up with him a few times, you start to think the unthinkable - he'd make the perfect boyfriend. Unfortunately, he neglects to mention that he is the perfect boyfriend-someone else's.
The Cheater thinks he's a gift to all the ladies of the world. Despite the fact that he already has a girlfriend, he feels no need to take himself off the market. Why bother? There's enough of him to go around. He uses convoluted-albeit-intriguing-logic to justify getting it on with someone other than his girlfriend.
You know exactly where this little tryst is going-nowhere. For example, "if you have a boyfriend, then the Cheater is the perfect person to cheat on your boyfriend.
Denial: In a case of a cheater hookup, its your new frame of mind. While you know very well that there's definitely someone else in his life, you make a very conscious decision to pretend that she doesn't exist. You don't ask questions, you don't think about it.
Karma: It's not your fault if you hook up with a guy who went to painstaking lengths to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend (what are you supposed to do -- submit everyone you meet to a polygraph test?). But if you keep coming back for more even after he's come clean about his romantic status, watch out. Pardon the use of a cliche', but what goes around comes around.
The Not-So-Ex-Girlfriend: He insists she's finally out of the picture, but it's more like she's out of town. When his girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend, or whatever he calls her) finds out that you're making nice with him while she was away - be ready for some Jerry Springer -- esque hysterics. Remember: Even though it takes two to tango, at the end of the day he's her beloved boyfriend and you're just the trash who be messing with her men.
Morning-After Attire: Ha! Right-like he'd ever let you sleep over at his place.
Bullshit Decoder:
Scenario: When you first meet him, he seems so good to be true-laid back, super confident and genuinely interested in what I have to say. And after hooking up with him a few times, you start to think the unthinkable - he'd make the perfect boyfriend. Unfortunately, he neglects to mention that he is the perfect boyfriend-someone else's.
The Cheater thinks he's a gift to all the ladies of the world. Despite the fact that he already has a girlfriend, he feels no need to take himself off the market. Why bother? There's enough of him to go around. He uses convoluted-albeit-intriguing-logic to justify getting it on with someone other than his girlfriend.
You know exactly where this little tryst is going-nowhere. For example, "if you have a boyfriend, then the Cheater is the perfect person to cheat on your boyfriend.
Denial: In a case of a cheater hookup, its your new frame of mind. While you know very well that there's definitely someone else in his life, you make a very conscious decision to pretend that she doesn't exist. You don't ask questions, you don't think about it.
Karma: It's not your fault if you hook up with a guy who went to painstaking lengths to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend (what are you supposed to do -- submit everyone you meet to a polygraph test?). But if you keep coming back for more even after he's come clean about his romantic status, watch out. Pardon the use of a cliche', but what goes around comes around.
The Not-So-Ex-Girlfriend: He insists she's finally out of the picture, but it's more like she's out of town. When his girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend, or whatever he calls her) finds out that you're making nice with him while she was away - be ready for some Jerry Springer -- esque hysterics. Remember: Even though it takes two to tango, at the end of the day he's her beloved boyfriend and you're just the trash who be messing with her men.
Morning-After Attire: Ha! Right-like he'd ever let you sleep over at his place.
Bullshit Decoder:
he says: "I don't have time for a relationship right now."
he means: "I have a girlfriend and I'm hooking up with someone else. I don't know how long I can keep this up before I get caught."
he says: "Well, I was dating someone, but we've decided that we should start seeing other people.
he means: "I've decided that I need to see some other boobies -- Skinamax just isn't doing it for me anymore.
he says: "I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriend."
he means: "She's my baby's mama."
he says: "We were doing the long-distance thing, but it wasn't working out."
he means: "My girlfriend went to visit her parents for the weekend or she's on vacation."
he says: "We're not technically together."
he means: "She hasn't move in with me yet."
he says: "She means nothing to me"
he means: "Neither do you."
he says: "But she would be crushed if I broke up with her right now."
he means: "Why would I ever end it with someone who puts up with all of my bullshit?"
he says: "I want to spend time with you, but things are so crazy right now."
he means: "Isn't it crazy that polygamy isn't more universally accepted?"
How it Ends: The Cheater Hookup could end in one of two ways.
- He decided he loves the girlfriend he has been cheating on and somehow manages to blame you for almost breaking them up.
- She wages a war against you that makes the conflict in the Middle East look like a playground scuffle and you're forced to move to another city or transfer to another school.
He's really not busy at work, he's really busy having a girlfriend if:
- You hardly ever hang out at his apartment.
- On the rate occasion that you did hook up at his place and you scrounged around in his bathroom, you noticed that he didn't have a box of condoms - he did have a box of tampons or sanitary napkins.
- He has a picture framed of him with a girl he's hugging a little too tightly to be his sister.
- You only see him on off hours--and he never calls you to get together on Friday nights (known in relationship land as "dinner and a movie night").
- He programs you into his phone under your initials instead of your full name or even changes your name to a guys name.
- His phone rings constantly and he never answers it, but he compulsively checks his voicemail.
- He text messages you more frequently than he calls you.
- He always picks bars that are nowhere near his apartment.
- His friends act a little strange around you -- they smirk at one another when you walk into the room.
- He disappears for weekends at a time and turns off his cell phone.
The Hookup Handbook - Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozler
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