To understand why some women find the bad boy irresistible, remember that we are attracted to others because of their patterns. And until people heal their wounds from early childhood, they are generally attracted to the unhealthy pattern of their opposite sex parent.
A woman may carry the bad girl pattern herself but not express it. She is excited by him, sees him as strong, masculine and daring. In a sense, she lives vicariously through his bad-boy behavior, secretly wishing she had the nerve to break the rules as he does.
"I can't help myself, even my head tells me to beware! He's not physically attractive, smarter or successful than the "nice guys" but he's hard to resist."
So what is it about him? This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?
- calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together
not showing up for a date - followed by no phone call or apology
- never having any money when you are out
- forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates
- flirting openly with other women when you are together
- hitting on your good friend(s)
- making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others
is doing time for a serious felony
- "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."
- "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."
- "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."
- "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."
- "He's so charming and passionate."
- "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."
- "He needs me."
- "He doesn't come across as needy and desparate."
- "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him."
"I don't believe that you can change one's personality. What you see is what you get. If the person decided to change its his decision not yours."
A woman's father may have been the bad-boy type who wasn't always there for mother or her. Or maybe she had a close relationship with her father as a child, but then, he grew distracted with work and other things and she no longer had this closeness with him. Whatever the circumstances, she is initially attracted to the bad boywho will never treat her right because, when he gives her attention, subconsciously, she feels she has finally gained or regained her father's love.
Whatever the circumstances, she is initially attracted to the bad boy who will never treat her right because, when he gives her attention, subconsciously, she feels she has finally gained or regained her father's love. Women who fall for bad boys like the bad boys themselves have self esteem issues. They sometimes believe that the problem is that they are not lovable: if only they were more this or more that, things would be different. She may also be a nurturer who believes erroneously that if she can love him enough, he will change and love her as she needs to be loved.
The bad boy is also usually quite charming and romantic in the beginning. Once the new wears off, he is more distant, but probably gives her just enough attention to keep her hoping he will eventually love her the way she needs to be loved. Unfortunately, their patterns fit together so perfectly, it's unlikely he will change. As long as he can get what he wants and continue the bad boy antics, there is no motivation to change. And she has what she has always known with father: the longing for him to love her. It is not fulfilling to her, but it is her subconscious desire to gain the love of her distant father that keeps her hooked.
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