Wednesday, December 31, 2008

ending a casual relationship

Stella started to date a man six months ago but he would never commit to a long-term relationship. She continued to pursue him and gave him every thing that he wanted hoping that by showing how good she was in bed she would be able to become his girlfriend. It didn't work. The guy continued to enjoy what he was getting but never called her a girlfriend. Now she wants to take a decision.

She asks, "I am confused as to how to proceed to have us stop the physical intimacy till he is my boyfriend. We have gone through this before and each time he has had good excuses and lies but I am so over him. How should I tell him."

The best way to do this is to be polite. I don't like anger and accusations in such situation. Tell him that you value his friendship but would like to be
just friends (I think he will understand that it is just a polite way to tell him to get lost) since it is obvious that you both are not a couple. In other
words, you can hang out occasionally but casual sex is not acceptable. Any guy will get it.

He might come up with excuses and even lies but tell him that you really do not expect him to defend himself. You have made a decision and want to stick to it.

But promise me one thing. Do not yield to the temptation or his pleas. Unless you mean it, do not say NO. But if you are serious about it, then no matter how much you want him, do not do anything romantic. It will not reflect good on your credibility. He definitely must have a low opinion of you because of your relentless and desperate pursuit. Do not make it worse.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

my resolution for new year

"Happy 2009! Two months from now, I'll be a year older =( I guess no one wants to get old right!? Hahaha... Anyway, I only have one New Years Resolution for myself and that is - to have a SAVINGS. Very simple and yet I was not able to do it from the previous years. It's because I'm shopaholic. From now on, I promise myself to save and that I will try not to spend too much buying clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, etc."

How to Save Money?

Saving money is one of those tasks that's so much easier said than done. There's more to it than spending less money (although that part alone can be challenging). How much money will you save, where will you put it, and how can you make sure it stays there? Here's how to set realistic goals, keep your spending in check, and pay yourself first.

Steps:

Set savings goals. For short-term goals, this is easy. If you want to buy a video game, find out how much it costs; if you want to buy a house, determine how much of a down payment you’ll need. For long-term goals, such as retirement, you’ll need to do a lot more planning (figuring out how much money you’ll need to live comfortably for 20 or 30 years after you stop working), and you’ll also need to figure out how investments will help you achieve your goals.

Kill your debt first. Simply calculating how much you spend each month on your debts will illustrate that eliminating debt is the fastest way to free up money. Once the money is freed from debt payment, it can easily be re-purposed to savings.
Establish a timeframe. For example: "I want to be able to buy a house two years from today." Set a particular date for accomplishing shorter-term goals, and make sure the goal is attainable within that time period. If it’s not attainable, you’ll just get discouraged.

Figure out how much you’ll have to save per week, per month, or per paycheck to attain each of your savings goals. Take each thing you want to save for and figure out how much you need to start saving now. For most savings goals, it’s best to save the same amount each period. For example, if you want to put a $20,000 down payment on a home in 36 months (three years), you’ll need to save about $550 per month every month. But if your paychecks amount to $1000, it might not be a realistic goal, so adjust your timeframe until you come up with an approachable amount.
Keep a record of your expenses. What you save falls between two activities and their difference: how much you make and how much you spend. Since you have more control over how much you spend, it's wise to take a critical look at your expenses. Write down everything you spend your money on for a couple weeks or a month. Be as detailed as possible, and try not to leave out small purchases. Assign each purchase or expenditure a category such as: Rent, Car insurance, Car payments, Phone Bill, Cable Bill, Utilities, Gas, Food, Entertainment, etc.
Keep a small notebook with you at all times. Get in the habit of recording every expense and saving the receipts.

Sit down once a week with your small notebook and receipts. Record your expenses in a larger notebook or a spreadsheet program.
Trim your expenses. Take a good, hard look at your spending records after a month or two have passed. You’ll probably be surprised when you look back at your record of expenses: $300 on ice cream, $100 on parking tickets? You’ll likely see some obvious cuts you can make. Depending on how much you need to save, however, you may need to make some difficult decisions. Think about your priorities, and make cuts you can live with. Calculate how much those cuts will save you per year, and you'll be much more motivated to pinch pennies.

Can you move to a less expensive apartment or house? Can you refinance your mortgage?
Can you consolidate your debts so that you're not paying as much interest?
Can you save money on gas, or give up a car altogether? If your family has multiple cars, can you bring it down to one?
Can you drop a land line and only use your cell phone?
Can you live without cable or satellite TV?
Can you cut down on your utility bills?
Can you restrict eating out? Buy food in bulk? Cook more at home? You might be able to save a lot of money on food.

Reassess your savings goals. Subtract your expenses (the ones you can't live without) from your take-home income (i.e. after taxes have been taken out). What is the difference? And does it match up with your savings goals? Let's say you've decided you can definitely get by on $1500 per month, and your paychecks amount to $2300 per month. That leaves you with $800 to save. If there’s absolutely no way you can fit all your savings goals into your budget, take a look at what you’re saving for and cut the less important things or adjust the timeframe. Maybe you need to put off buying a new car for another year, or maybe you don’t really need a big-screen TV that badly.

Make a budget. Once you’ve managed to balance your earnings with your savings goals and spending, write down a budget so you’ll know each month or each paycheck how much you can spend on any given thing or category of things. This is especially important for expenses which tend to fluctuate, or which you know you're going to have a particularly hard time restricting. (E.g. "I will only spend $30 a month on movies/chocolate/coffee/etc.")

Stop using credit cards. Pay for everything with cash or money orders. Don't even use checks. It's easier to overspend when you're pulling from a bank or credit account because you don't know exactly how much is in there. If you have cash, you can see your supply running low. You can even bundle up the predetermined amount of cash allocated for each expense with a label or keep separate jars for each expense (e.g. a bundle/jar for coffee, another for gas, another for miscellaneous). As you pull money from a jar for that particular expense, you'll see how much remains and you'll also be reminded of your limit.

If you need to have credit cards but you don't want the temptation of having them available to use day-to-day, restrict that section of your wallet with a note or picture reminding you of your savings goals.

Credit cards are not inherently evil; it's all about your self control. If you use them responsibly (i.e. completely pay them off every month), you can benefit from them. But the reason most credit card companies make money, however, is because people end up spending money that they don't have. Unless you are one of the people who can religiously pay off the balance in full every month, you're better off foregoing the promotions that credit card companies use to lure you in (cash back, introductory APR, airline miles, and so on).

Open an interest-bearing savings account. It’s a lot easier to keep track of your savings if you have them separate from your spending money. You can also usually get better interest on savings accounts than on checking accounts (if you get interest on your checking account at all). Consider higher-interest options such as CDs or money-market accounts for longer savings goals.

Know where your money is. And how much of it, too. If you accidentally overdraw your bank account, you will incur hefty bank fees; worse yet, the place you paid with that check may slap a bounced check fee on top of that, and send the check in again, resulting in a second overdraft fee from the bank! So just a few cents missing to cover that check could result in over $100 in fees. To avoid that, you should always know how much money you've got in your account(s), so you never cut a check for more than what you have.

Pay yourself first. Savings should be your priority, so don’t just say that you’ll save whatever’s left over at the end of the month. Deposit savings into an account (or your piggybank) as soon as you get paid. An easy, effective way to start saving is to simply deposit 10% of every check in a savings account. If you get a check or sum of cash, say 710.68, move the decimal point one place to the left and deposit that amount: 71.07. This works well and requires little thought; over several years, you've a tidy sum in savings. Over decades, you'll be a millionaire.

You can set up an automatic transfer from your checking account to your savings account.

Many employers allow you to deduct savings from your paycheck. The money is directly deposited in your savings account so you never even see it on your paycheck.
You can also have investments for retirement taken directly out of your pay, and the taxes may be deferred with this option.

Tips:

Always OVER estimate your expenses and UNDER estimate your income.
If you can afford to share things you have, from food to living space to appliances, try to do so. What goes around comes around when it's between close friends, soon enough, you'll find your friends doing the same, and everybody benefits.
Have a professional shopper go through your closet before you hit the mall. They will help you assess what you already have and what timeless items you can invest in to create more looks from those you already have. There are services that do this (e.g. Visual Therapy in NYC and TimePros in Los Angeles). Remember that this service can cost a pretty penny. Don't use this method unless you have a tendency to make $250 - $400 shopping trips!

Have a hobby? Match your funds. One important habit for saving is if you have a hobby, such as model airplanes, scrapbooking, dirt biking, scuba diving, etc., set a hard and fast rule that whatever you allow yourself to spend on your hobby, you match those funds to your savings. For example, if you buy yourself a $45 pair of riding gloves, another $45 goes to your savings. Serious about saving? Try doubling your matched funds! These savings plans will do two things: Save money regularly and quickly, and really show you how much you are spending on your hobby, when it costs you twice as much.

If you receive unexpected cash, put all or most of it into your savings, but continue to set aside your regularly scheduled amount as well. You’ll reach your savings goals sooner.

If you vacation normally, use the web to search for affordable vacation deals instead of paying full retail price. Some sites offer very discounted vacations by partnering with resorts across the country. Essentially, you are required to go on a 90 minute sales-pitch to buy a timeshare at the resort, and in exchange you receive an extra cheap luxury vacation and often freebies like theme park tickets, gas, or dinner certificates.

Make purchases with paper money, not exact change, and always save the change. Use a piggy bank or jar for your coins. Coins and change may look insignificant but when accumulated over time they can help you save. Some banks now offer free coin counting machines. When you redeem your coins, ask to be paid by check so you won't be tempted to spend your newfound cash.

Warnings:

Do not go out "window shopping" with any money on you. You will only be tempted to spend money you cannot afford to lose. Only shop with a predetermined shopping list.

After a long week of working, you may want to indulge in some luxury, telling yourself, "I deserve this". Remember that the things you buy are not gifts to yourself; they are trades, products for money. Say, "Of course I deserve this, but can I afford it? If I can't afford it, I'm still a worthy person, and I still deserve to meet my savings goals!"

Unless you're in truly desperate financial straits (like 10 seconds from eviction and your three children are starving) don't try to cut corners connected to health. Basic preventative care for yourself, your family, and your pets might cost you a $60 office visit or a $30 heartworm pill today, but the skipping it will contribute to expensive problems and heartache down the road.

http://www.wikihow.com/Save-Money

Monday, December 29, 2008

enough

"I know that you have no idea, that I know EVERYTHING you're hiding. I guess its because of my being so damn smart that I can spy and will do anything to get to the bottom of it. Its not good to know the truth especially if its gonna hurt you. But I am so confuse and at the same time I am really, really brainsick of you. We've been doing this for a year and a month now and I don't know why you do this to me? You lied. Does it feel good? I have had enough of the "us" for fun. I want to let you know, I don't want this kind of setup and I didn't agree to this in the first place. Lastly, I never wanted to be just another girl - neither your option. I want to be the first and the only one."

Sunday, December 28, 2008

regret

"This is a story, I can relate to."
Sex 911: Confessions of a Serial Dater.
Sometimes I think I would've been happier growing up in the 50s. Sure I wouldn't have had things like an iPod, boxer briefs, or Portillo's hot dogs, but life would've definitely been simpler.
Something I know I would've loved is a 1950s relationship. They were simple. You were either dating someone or you weren't, period. Today, there are too many kinds of relationships out there. It's confusing. There's exclusive relationships, friends with benefits, booty calls, one-nighters, and everything in between.

As puzzling as these relationships may be, there's nothing wrong with any of them, if that's your thing. What's more perplexing is trying to figure out what comes first -- the relationship and then sex, or sex and then a relationship? It's like the chicken and the egg theory. You'll pull your hair out trying to think of an answer.

You hear it all the time, people saying that if you have sex too soon, it dooms the relationship. But is that really true? Can a serious relationship blossom out of a sexual one?
Many believe that a friendship can grow into love. You might even know an annoying couple like this. You know the ones I'm talking about. They tell their sappy "When Harry Met Sally"-type story to anyone who'll listen. It's disgusting. You get a cavity just hearing it.
As nauseated as they make you, they do prove a good point. If they can build a relationship from friendship, then certainly you can build one from sex, right? I know this is true because I could've done it myself -- only I blew it.

I'm talking a gal from my past who we'll call Nicole. Nicole and I've been close friends for almost 10 years. We met through friends, and eventually started messin' around.
It started out as the classic booty call scenario. She'd call me at 2 a.m. to see if I wanted company or I'd invite her over. We both knew what the relationship was, and it was a lot of fun. Then the party came to a screeching halt.

Nicole said she wanted something more than just sex, but I tend to avoid serious relationships the same way I avoid John Mayer songs. I wanted no part of it. At the time the only thing I thought I was losing was good sex with a fun girl. No biggie.

After a few months of not talking, we started hanging out again, and of course, having sex. On the surface it seemed like she was having sex with me in hopes that I'd change my mind and take that giant leap into relationship-dom, but she gave no hint of that. Soon after we were finished having sex she'd say, "Well, I gotta go." Normally that would be most guys' dream, right? Wrong. Something weird happened.

She told me about this new guy she was dating, and I never heard her rave about a dude this way before. I started getting a weird feeling in my stomach. Ruling out food poisoning or a tapeworm, I concluded that this is what jealousy must feel like.

After some thought, I told her I was now ready to get serious. Uh huh, you guessed it. It was too late. She chose the other guy because I was too much of a crapshoot and he was a sure thing. She knew my take on relationships and decided I was too risky. It was like an ironic Greek tragedy. She's now married to him with three kids. We still talk and get together occasionally, but of course no hanky panky.

OK, dry your eyes. It's not that bad. There's a valuable lesson to be learned here, which is yes, serious relationships can indeed come from sexual relationships. But unlike me, it can only happen if you're willing to take the next step. So if at any time you begin to feel something stronger for your booty call, take a chance and just go for it. Sure you might freak them out which may end the sex, but when they find someone else, it's going to end anyway.
Imagine all the "woulda, coulda, shouldas" you'll save yourself.

weed

Marijuana is the most commonly abused illicit drug in the United States. It is a dry, shredded green and brown mix of flowers, stems, seeds, and leaves derived from the hemp plant Cannabis sativa. The main active chemical in marijuana is delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol; THC for short.
How is Marijuana Abused?

Marijuana is usually smoked as a cigarette (joint) or in a pipe. It is also smoked in blunts, which are cigars that have been emptied of tobacco and refilled with marijuana. Since the blunt retains the tobacco leaf used to wrap the cigar, this mode of delivery combines marijuana's active ingredients with nicotine and other harmful chemicals. Marijuana can also be mixed in food or brewed as a tea. As a more concentrated, resinous form it is called hashish, and as a sticky black liquid, hash oil.* Marijuana smoke has a pungent and distinctive, usually sweet-and-sour odor.
How Does Marijuana Affect the Brain?

Scientists have learned a great deal about how THC acts in the brain to produce its many effects. When someone smokes marijuana, THC rapidly passes from the lungs into the bloodstream, which carries the chemical to the brain and other organs throughout the body.
THC acts upon specific sites in the brain, called cannabinoid receptors, kicking off a series of cellular reactions that ultimately lead to the “high” that users experience when they smoke marijuana. Some brain areas have many cannabinoid receptors; others have few or none. The highest density of cannabinoid receptors are found in parts of the brain that influence pleasure, memory, thoughts, concentration, sensory and time perception, and coordinated movement.1
Not surprisingly, marijuana intoxication can cause distorted perceptions, impaired coordination, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, and problems with learning and memory. Research has shown that marijuana’s adverse impact on learning and memory can last for days or weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off.2 As a result, someone who smokes marijuana every day may be functioning at a suboptimal intellectual level all of the time.
Research on the long-term effects of marijuana abuse indicates some changes in the brain similar to those seen after long-term abuse of other major drugs. For example, cannabinoid withdrawal in chronically exposed animals leads to an increase in the activation of the stress-response system3 and changes in the activity of nerve cells containing dopamine.4 Dopamine neurons are involved in the regulation of motivation and reward, and are directly or indirectly affected by all drugs of abuse.

Addictive PotentialLong-term marijuana abuse can lead to addiction; that is, compulsive drug seeking and abuse despite its known harmful effects upon social functioning in the context of family, school, work, and recreational activities. Long-term marijuana abusers trying to quit report irritability, sleeplessness, decreased appetite, anxiety, and drug craving, all of which make it difficult to quit. These withdrawal symptoms begin within about 1 day following abstinence, peak at 2–3 days, and subside within 1 or 2 weeks following drug cessation.5
Marijuana and Mental HealthA number of studies have shown an association between chronic marijuana use and increased rates of anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and schizophrenia. Some of these studies have shown age at first use to be a factor, where early use is a marker of vulnerability to later problems. However, at this time, it not clear whether marijuana use causes mental problems, exacerbates them, or is used in attempt to self-medicate symptoms already in existence. Chronic marijuana use, especially in a very young person, may also be a marker of risk for mental illnesses, including addiction, stemming from genetic or environmental vulnerabilities, such as early exposure to stress or violence. At the present time, the strongest evidence links marijuana use and schizophrenia and/or related disorders6. High doses of marijuana can produce an acute psychotic reaction, and research suggests that in vulnerable individuals, marijuana use may be a factor that increases risk for the disease.

What Other Adverse Effect Does Marijuana Have on Health?
Effects on the HeartOne study found that an abuser’s risk of heart attack more than quadruples in the first hour after smoking marijuana.7 The researchers suggest that such an outcome might occur from marijuana’s effects on blood pressure and heart rate (it increases both) and reduced oxygen-carrying capacity of blood.
Effects on the LungsNumerous studies have shown marijuana smoke to contain carcinogens and to be an irritant to the lungs. In fact, marijuana smoke contains 50 to 70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than tobacco smoke. Marijuana users usually inhale more deeply and hold their breath longer than tobacco smokers do, which further increases the lungs’ exposure to carcinogenic smoke. Marijuana smokers show dysregulated growth of epithelial cells in their lung tissue, which could lead to cancer;8 however, a recent case-controlled study found no positive associations between marijuana use and lung, upper respiratory, or upper digestive tract cancers.9 Thus, the link between marijuana smoking and these cancers remains unsubstantiated at this time.
Nonetheless, marijuana smokers can have many of the same respiratory problems as tobacco smokers, such as daily cough and phlegm production, more frequent acute chest illness, a heightened risk of lung infections, and a greater tendency toward obstructed airways. A study of 450 individuals found that people who smoke marijuana frequently but do not smoke tobacco have more health problems and miss more days of work than nonsmokers.10 Many of the extra sick days among the marijuana smokers in the study were for respiratory illnesses.
Effects on Daily Life Research clearly demonstrates that marijuana has the potential to cause problems in daily life or make a person’s existing problems worse. In one study, heavy marijuana abusers reported that the drug impaired several important measures of life achievement including physical and mental health, cognitive abilities, social life, and career status.11 Several studies associate workers’ marijuana smoking with increased absences, tardiness, accidents, workers’ compensation claims, and job turnover.

What Treatment Options Exist?

Behavioral interventions, including cognitive behavioral therapy and motivational incentives (i.e., providing vouchers for goods or services to patients who remain abstinent) have shown efficacy in treating marijuana dependence. Although no medications are currently available, recent discoveries about the workings of the cannabinoid system offer promise for the development of medications to ease withdrawal, block the intoxicating effects of marijuana, and prevent relapse.
The latest treatment data indicate that in 2006 marijuana was the most common illicit drug of abuse and was responsible for about 16 percent (289,988) of all admissions to treatment facilities in the United States. Marijuana admissions were primarily male (73.8 percent), White (51.5 percent), and young (36.1 percent were in the 15–19 age range). Those in treatment for primary marijuana abuse had begun use at an early age: 56.2 percent had abused it by age 14 and 92.5 percent had abused it by age 18.**
How Widespread is Marijuana Abuse?
According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, in 2006, 14.8 million Americans age 12 or older used marijuana at least once in the month prior to being surveyed, which is similar to the 2005 rate. About 6,000 people a day in 2006 used marijuana for the first time—2.2 million Americans. Of these, 63.3 percent were under age 18.***


pros and cons of casual sex between friends

There's a time-honored saying that goes something like this: "Friends are friends, pals are pals, and buddies sleep together." I'm not quite sure what it means, but I think this adage is mainly poking fun at those who use euphemisms to describe friendships that are, shall we say, more than platonic. I'm talking about "FF" -- short for F*ck Friends -- also known as "friends with benefits."FF are friends, or maybe only acquaintances, who have a spoken or an unspoken agreement to have sex occasionally, without ever pursuing a romantic relationship. This term is a fairly new one, emerging from popular culture in the past 20 years or so.As men and women become increasingly free to indulge in physical relationships with relatively fewer consequences (let's give it up for birth control!), sex is now more casual than ever. As a result, some friends decide to take it to the next level, just for fun, without all the trappings of an actual relationship. Being simply FF is definitely easier at first, but are the negatives that come with it worth the promise of casual sex? Check out these pros and cons and decide for yourself.

Up Sides

Sex with no stringsThe most apparent positive point about being FF is the availability of easy sex, without all the pressures and limitations of a relationship. The beauty of this situation is its clarity -- if both sides are honest going into this, then both will know that it's solely about sex. She can never accuse you of using her, or vice-versa, because you've both acknowledged from the start that you're, in fact, using each other. Using each other in a good way, however, because removing all the emotional baggage from sex makes it much simpler and potentially more enjoyable.Tip: Nonetheless, if you want to give the FF thing a shot, remember the importance of honesty from the get-go. If one of you is going into this secretly hoping for more, then the problem of dishonesty arises, and that person is probably in for a nasty disappointment when it doesn't play out that way. And trust me, nine times out of 10, FF never develop into anything more. It's much more likely that just the opposite will happen. FF tend to slowly drift out of each other's lives over time, or if they start seeing someone else seriously.

The Convenience Factor

In this situation, sex can literally be just a phone call away -- you don't have to go through the whole charade of flirting, dating, buying her drinks, testing the waters, guessing what she wants, etc.
Being FF is extremely efficient and makes the most sense for people who don't have the time for a real romance, but still want to get some action without breaking any hearts along the way by misleading people.Tip: One of the keys to being successful FF is to keep it discreet. Even if you're 100% confident that you only have to call her and she'll come running, do the classy thing and keep it between you and her. Don't brag about the situation to outside friends. Don't get grabby in public. If you have an understanding, a simple quiet phone call late Friday night is all that's necessary, and if she's busy or tired, don't get insistent. You don't owe each other anything. That's the whole point of being FF.

The Comfort Factor

Performance anxiety is less of an issue with friends because you'll be more comfortable with them in general, physically and emotionally. If someone has a strange birthmark or love handles, you already know this and don't mind, and you don't feel the need to conceal your own physical flaws. You'll also probably know exactly what to expect in the bedroom and, regardless of how your hookup plays out, you will still have your friendship, and should be able to laugh about it.Tip: A high comfort level doesn't mean that you can get away with being a lazy lover. Don't aim for a gymnastics performance to impress her, but do focus on making her feel fantastic, and she'll return the favor. FF are all about mutual satisfaction.

Down Sides

Someone might get too attached. Various types of emotional fallouts can doom FF. The most common type is when one of the friends gets too attached and begins wanting something more. If the other person feels differently, they will get hurt. In addition, sometimes one of the parties may become jealous if the other person starts dating someone else seriously. It can be very difficult to separate emotions from sex, but if you want to be FF, that is exactly what you have to steel yourself to do.

Tip: Resist the urge to become territorial in a FF relationship; often, even if you don't really want to date her, you may feel, on some level, that you don't want other guys with her either. This is entirely unfair, and if you're possessive by nature, maybe it's best to just avoid the whole FF idea to begin with.
May Destroy a Friendship
In the worst-case scenario, the blurring of the lines between friend and lover precipitated by being FF can completely destroy a friendship. Unfortunately, this is a fairly common outcome, because once you've crossed the physical line, the old dynamic between some friends is lost forever.
Tip: I think that if you're serious about keeping a close friendship -- for example, if the other person is your best friend from childhood who just happens to be a woman -- you shouldn't risk jeopardizing it by sleeping with her. However, in the heat of the moment, this is easier said than done. The best thing you can do is take precautions, such as not overdrinking with her or spending too much time alone together. On the other hand, it's likely you won't worry too much about this issue until after the fact. In any case, even knowing you might regret it, this might still be a risk you're willing to take.
Future Relationship Problems
Messing around with friends can potentially hurt your future relationships with other women. If your current girlfriend finds out (and somehow, they always do) that you used to be intimate with one of your female friends, she will instantly become jealous and suspicious of the other woman. Even if your hookups occurred years before, if this friend is still in your life in some capacity, your girlfriend will be convinced that if it happened before, it can happen again.
Tip: Although it may sound callous, it's best to be FF with acquaintances rather than close female friends, because when the sex winds down, you can let the relationship drop and cut them out of your life completely. No fuss, no consequences. You cannot do that to a close pal, on the other hand, and wouldn't want to.
Potential Problems

Keeping you and your friend with benefits safe is important. If you are both free to sleep with whomever you choose, it is important to protect yourselves. Do you want the mother of your firstborn to be with your friend with benefits? STD’s aren’t pleasant either, so keep them to yourself please. It would also be helpful not to sleep with anyone she knows -- despite loosely applied “rules,” you still need to have some standards of human decency. Even if she presumes you are sleeping with other women, she doesn’t want to hear about it.
Possible Bonus
Being FF can be fun and rewarding if both parties are clear that it's only about sex. Otherwise, it's a dangerous proposition. Very rarely, however, mutual romantic feelings may develop. And when this happens, it turns into much more than a rough agreement to satisfy the other person's physical needs -- it becomes a real relationship, built on a strong foundation of friendship and understanding.

http://www.askmen.com

Friday, December 26, 2008

he's a stoner

How to Date a Stoner
This article is not condoning drug use, as some drugs have many serious side effects (see warnings). The purpose of this article is to teach you how to cope if the one you love has a love of their own... pot!
Steps:
  • Remember, Stoners are consistently awesome, happy, focused and generally lovable people.
  • Consider whether or not you really want the relationship. If you yourself are not a smoker, you should try it, it's really not a big deal.
    THC is a mellow, mind-altering drug, so expect your partner to be giggly and hungry while under its effects. Or if he or she is stoned most of the time, much pissy when they are sober.
  • Try to get some marijuana-free time to spend by yourselves. Even if you don't have a problem with your partner while he or she is high.
  • It's likely your partner will have a group of smoking friends. Try your hardest to get along with them, because they will be like siblings to him/her. This is because friends are more important that the girl he just started dating.
  • Smoking is an individual choice that only you should make. Respect your partner's choices, but know that they are only trying to share something they love with you.
  • Count your blessings that you're not dating a violent, abusive drunk. Stoners are notoriously easy-going people, except in the cases when the stoner is a violent abusive pot head. Which is almost never.
  • Make sure to make it clear that you want to be more important than marijuana. Good luck. A stoner, if s/he truly loves you, should be willing to give up smoking pot if s/he has to make a decision between getting stoned and being with you. This will however make him miss pot, and eventually get tired of you.
  • As an addendum to #7, be aware that giving an ultimatum to someone who uses marijuana (i.e. "either stop smoking pot or we cannot be together") will often result in at least one, if not both parties being dissatisfied,angry,resentful, or frustrated. Compromise is often a solid foundation for relationship. To take a hard line stance, explicitly or implicitly, that your significant other shouldn't smoke pot because "Drugs are NEVER good" will generally have a polarizing effect on the relationship.(This is because of how much drugs rock.) Be aware that when you choose to date someone, you are choosing to accept (and possibly love) the entire package that is that person, including their drug use if they should so choose.
  • To discredit both 7 and 8: Never expect your partner to change themselves for you. Stoners are generally relaxed people who feel best when they are around a more passive crowd. So, if you come into your partner's laid-back environment and tell them they will lose you if they don't quit, you will be unintentionally labeled by them and their friends as a complete "buzz-kill". The point being that if you don't want to love a toker, don't start dating one.

Tips:

  • Not all stoners are boring and/or irresponsible, and some are great fun to be around.
  • Learn some basic first aid, in case of accidents
  • It's good to know first aid. But in response to your clumsy stoner date?
  • Don't allow your partner to drive unless you are absolutely sure he or she is not intoxicated.
  • If you find yourself worried about your partner's drug use, talk to them about it.
  • If you find you get bored whilst your partner and his friends are getting stoned, then take homework/magazines/videos 'round just in case. (Or just live a little and give it a try for yourself.)
  • Knowledge is power. Learn about drug use. (Suggestion: Learn about drug history and how it has influenced drug laws)
  • Don't assume that you know why your partner chooses to use a controlled substance; there are many reasons which can differ from individual to individual. If you are interested in understanding the motivation behind your partner's marijuana use (recreational, medicinal, escape, etc.), try to discuss it with them in an open and non-judgmental manner.

Warnings:

  • Pot/Hash/Weed/Marijuana has many side effects, including nausea from the smoke (excessive coughing can trigger gag-reflex), or equilibrium problems (motion sickness) in some users [This side effect is rare, as marijuana has been known to suppress nausea in cancer patients undergoing radiation therapy], dizziness, paranoia, dry mouth etc.
  • Your chances of becoming a drug user increase when in a relationship with a drug user.
  • Although marijuana is NOT proven to lead to other drug use, you may become intrigued after learning about the drug's effects and viewing them yourself.
  • Pot is still illegal in most states and currently illegal on the federal level in the United States. Your relationship may be interrupted if legal troubles arise. Be sure you are okay with this.
  • Be absolutely sure that your relationship doesn't incriminate you. Possession of drugs is a crime, even if you don't ingest or use them.

Things You'll Need:

  • Drinks and snacks.
  • Magazines/stuff to keep you occupied.
  • An open mind!!
  • Music

http://www.wikihow.com/

cheating boyfriend

Your boyfriend is cheating on you, but you still like him. You have no idea what to do next. This article will show you what you can do!
Steps:
  • If you still want to be with your boyfriend and you don't care if they're cheating, then just keep going with what you were doing. Start calling him more often. If he doesn't answer your call, dump him and tell him what's going on. It's the right thing to do. Note that if he answers your calls then talk to him. Ask him what he's been doing lately and just talk normally. Try not to get in to the whole thing about cheating and don't mention that he's cheating on you yet.
  • Show him that you do love him, but don't do it too much. You don't want him to think that you're depressed with him.
  • Know that once you guys know each other a bit better ask him about his feelings. And if you're really up for it, ask him if maybe you and him could maybe go out sometime.
  • After a few weeks of seeing each other and getting to know each other, ask him to break up with his "used-to-be girlfriend". It's the only right thing you can do.
  • After that there's nothing you can really do, but if he doesn't break up with his girlfriend he's pretending you're his girlfriend. And it's best to get out while you still can.
  • Bear in mind about how he feels about you. Does it affect how he feels about you? Ask him directly if you have any questions - is he in an open relationship? Does he know about you?What are his motives?
  • Look into polyamory as a concept.
Tips:
  • If he calls you during the middle of the night and he doesn't answer during the day, then he's playing with you.

Warnings:

  • Be careful not to turn him into a player.

http://www.wikihow.com

leave

"I want to leave you for good and go on with my life."

How to Leave Someone for Good

Are you stuck in a perpetual cycle of breaking up and making up? Do the words "It's over!" seem to mean nothing anymore? But this time, you mean it, and you've decided that it's really over. How do you leave for good?

  • Have your mind made up. This is the hardest part. Make sure this is what you want. If you think there is still something left inside of you for this person, chances are you will go back and will repeat these steps over again.
  • Make a written list of all the reasons why things will be better if the relationship is over.
  • Think of what will happen if you stay with this person, and how many years of your life you could end up spending on an unhealthy relationship. Keep this list close to you at all times.
  • Plan. Have a day when you decide it's over and you are going to move on. Don't just jump up and leave on an impulse. If you can, talk to that person and say, "When rent is up this month, I am going to find another place" or "I'm moving in with my parents" or "You need to leave at the end of this month." This gives the person time to make arrangements. And, it's much easier to go back on an impulse then it is to go back on a calmly and clearly stated intention.
  • Don't Give In. Don't allow the person to suck you into the same old arguments, guilt trips, or drama. State your intention and walk away. Case closed. There's nothing left to do but follow through.
  • Once on your own, treat yourself. If you don't, you may get bored and call this person.
  • Make some new friends and constantly have something up your sleeve. Do things that you were not able to do because of this person. This will let you know that you have still got it and make you feel good inside.
  • Cut off all communication. Even if you intend to stay friends, it's a good idea to avoid contact with this person for at least a month after you break up. Otherwise, it's extremely easy for them to slip right back into their old role in your life and start the cycle all over again.
  • Try not to bring up old memories. If friends start talking about this person, tell them you don't want to talk about it, whether good or bad. Get rid of gifts, photographs, and any other relics of the relationship--or at least put them way out of sight.
  • Prepare for backlash. Your ex may say things to your friends, family or co-workers and make you look bad. He or she may not have been ready to let go like you did. Be the mature one and laugh about it. Eventually it will stop.
  • Move on.Remember that this was just not the "one." Don't let them get in the way of what you want to do. Oh well, things couldn't work out. This is life. Make sure you still have what it takes to be good to the next person you are with. Remember the traits of the person you left and compare them to the person that you are interested in. This will help it from happening again.

http://www.wikihow.com

i spy on you - you didn't know

"I feel so bad, its like I want to go to my room and stay there forever and cry. My heart hurts, he broke it again. He always does. Thank God, I'm such a spy. He doesn't even know how I feel. I'm so foolish and stupid, I trusted him. Like what he said, "Wala nga akong girlfriend at ikaw lang. Wag mo kong pakawalan ah?" I guess I have to accept that he's an asshole! Accept the fact that men are polygamous. I really want to stop and not see him at all but its really hard. He's not even the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and yet I can't let go of him but then he makes my life miserable! I don't know how and what to tell him if I see him. Or should I ignore what I found out and pretended that he's a good person and go on. I'm confuse, I don't know what to do! He's a cheater and I despise him!"

How to Get Over the Guy That Has a Girlfriend

It's not a great idea to pine over a guy who has a girlfriend, as it just causes a lot of trouble. Here's how to get over it!

Steps:

  • Realize that this is a risky situation- it could destroy your reputation or even worsen the reputation of females in general.
  • If the guy is your friend's boyfriend, stop right there! You have to realize that you will hurt her if anything happens between the two of you.
  • Is the friendship worth sacrificing? Especially if its your friend's boyfriend who you still like, don't try to break them up! It will only make you look like a terrible friend and friendships are more important then a crush.
  • NEVER spread rumors about the couple or either one of them individually! It only makes both of them mad and gives you a horrible reputation with all of their friends.
  • Try to just be friends with the boy you're crushing on and remain friends with your friend, even though she has the guy you like. You don't want half of the school to hate you.
  • If you do try to break them up, most likely the guy will hate you for doing it, giving you no chance at all! After you hurt him and/or his girlfriend by being a jealous bitch, you will never be on that guy's good side again. So DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!!! GIVE UP AND MOVE ON!!!
  • Channel your interest into something else- after all there are lots of other guys out there-maybe you can't find any at the minute but that doesn't mean you've got to flirt with someone who's taken.
  • Every time you feel like you want to flirt with the guy in question-repeat to yourself- "I am better than this and I know it!"
  • Go get your hair done and treat yourself to an outfit - a happy girl is a confident girl and therefore is more likely to succeed.
  • If you absolutely cannot stop thinking about this guy, try to keep certain boundaries. For example, you're not allowed to get closer than a foot from him when your talking. This way you're still with him but not flirting. Remember he's TAKEN!
  • Try to think of things about him that actually bother you. For example: Does he chew with his mouth open? Does he smoke? Does he NOT like your favorite band?

Tips:

  • Try not to think about the guy every time you see something that reminds you of him- if this happens immediately think of a famous guy you think is fit and remember to set your standards high!
  • Most important thing is stop getting attracted to guys you can't have.
  • Think of YOUR perfect guy (green eyes, taller, more built, smarter, etc.) and compare him to the guy you're trying to get over.
  • Make out every possible difference and ask yourself."Are you willing to settle for this guy when you can be looking for someone who is closer to your ideal guy?"
  • If you like him so much that you still look at him in the hallway when you walk by him
  • FIND ANOTHER GUY to crush on because chances are if he's serious about his girlfriend he won't be interested in you and it's just wasting you time when you could be crushing on someone that isn't taken and maybe someone you might have more things in common with.
  • Don't get upset every time you see him in the hallway with another girl. If it's over, it's over so start crushing on another guy!

Warnings:

  • Never under ANY circumstances go anywhere with him alone. There's a good chance you'll do something stupid!
  • Never ever make advances towards him. Even if it turns out that he could like you too-this is disrespectful to yourself.
  • Forbidden fruit is always tempting, so be careful. Why do you think bad news sells and not good news?
  • Don't let him flirting back convince you that he has feelings for you. He obviously likes his girlfriend more, so just don't fall for his stupid things.
  • Try not to flirt with his as much as usual

Things You'll Need:

  • A good girl CD. Music is great at helping you to get over someone.
  • A day of retail therapy.
  • One good mate who you trust who you can share your concerns with -- preferably not the friend whose boyfriend you are trying to get over.
  • Willpower
  • Try a new hard to reach goal and dream, wish or fantasize to help you get over that forbidden guy.

http://www.wikihow.com/

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

fashion colors for 2009

"What are going to be the fashion colors for 2009? Mmmhh... As I went shopping last week and yesterday, violet, lavander, purple, bloody red or fuschia were everywhere! Bright and shocking colors are going to be the colors for 2009."

Pantone, the global authority on color and provider of professional color standards for the design industries, announced the release of the summer 2009 edition of the PANTONE VIEW Colour Planner, its cross-discipline color forecasting tool, titled "Independence." Summer 2009 celebrates the spirit of independence and the promotion of individuality. Rather than follow any one specific trend in color, this season focuses on a state of mind and is largely influenced by sociological factors. The changing world and emergence of new markets have resulted in many people taking a proactive stance in their personal contributions to the betterment of the world.

According to Pantone's research, the world of design and merchandising is reacting to a desire for designs catered to a self-defining style. People are increasingly noticing a change in values in the world and interpreting these inspirations to suit themselves.

"The PANTONE VIEW Colour Planner is a critical tool for providing color direction to a wide range of businesses and industries," said Tod Shulman, vice president of the fashion, home and interiors division at Pantone. "For summer 2009, Pantone is forecasting a trend toward color palettes that reflect individuality and make people feel good about who they are."

PANTONE VIEW Colour Planner showcases seven palettes for use in women's wear, menswear, active wear, cosmetics, interiors, industrial design and graphics:

- Female-ism celebrates women as being relevant, positive and beautiful through its use of medium pastels with a tinge of retro glamour.
- Influenced by modern art and architecture, Classic-ism is almost devoid of color except for one medium blue accent. The palette emphasizes a feeling of restraint and austerity.
- With its tart, bold and gregarious colors, Independent-ism is geared toward creative artisans who are unafraid of true originality.
- The range of deep, dark shades of reddish blues and brown in Today-ism provides a proper balance to other more aggressive and colorful ranges.
- Rejecting rationality and uniformity, Absurd-ism allows colors to be libertarian and focuses on the challenge of combining the disproportionate.
- A carnal inspiration and desire for experimentation is the backdrop for Fetish-ism. The colors captivate and seduce to elicit an attitude of freedom.
- Surreal-ism plays with scale, combination and expectation to create unexpected, and even strange, creations.

Published bi-annually 18-24 months ahead of the season, the PANTONE VIEW Colour Planner is based on the PANTONE FASHION + HOME Color System, the most widely used and recognized color standard in the world. It is produced by a team of leading visionaries from all over the world with expertise in different disciplines, providing a comprehensive color forecasting service for multiple design areas, including men's and women's apparel, beauty, interior and industrial design. Within each of the season's most directional color palettes, a general introduction outlines the colors included and the philosophy behind them. In addition, a specific breakdown of each palette covers harmonies, suggested color combinations, and suitable patterns and fabrics according to end use. Individual color swatch cards for all 52 colors are also included.

Here are the top ten colors for spring in no particular order:

Fuchsia Red (Pantone 18-2328)
Salmon Rose (Pantone 15-1626)
Palace Blue (Pantone 18-4043)
Lucite Green (Pantone 14-5714)
Super Lemon (Pantone 14-0754)
Dark Citron (Pantone 16-0435)
Lavender (Pantone 15-3817)
Vibrant Green (Pantone 16-6339)
Slate Gray (Pantone 16-5804)
Rose Dust (Pantone 14-1307)

http://www.dexigner.com/design_news/pantone-view-colour-planner-for-summer-2009.html

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

what i really really really want...

"Things that will make me happy:"

  • Explore and travel the world.
  • Eat anything I want.
  • Home beside the beach.
  • Buy everything my heart desires.
  • Garden of flowers.
  • My own business.
  • A faithful lover.